Saturday, November 30, 2013
Friday, November 29, 2013
Thursday, November 28, 2013
In German-American families, children were seen but not heard, and the choicest pieces of Thanksgiving turkey were reserved for the adults. Grandpa carved the turkey because he was the head of the family, but he had a subversive streak. Grandpa would “accidentally” drop little slices of white meat on the kitchen table for us grand kids while he carved.
But not too many. That delicacy was reserved for my mom and my aunt. My dad and my uncle got the turkey legs, Grandpa ate the wings and thighs and Grandma ate the pope’s nose – the tail. She’d grown up poor and “got used to eating it,” she said.
But Grandma was determined that her grandchildren would know the finer things, including white meat on Thanksgiving. One year in the 1960s, when I was ten and still eating at the children’s table, she bought a Butterball turkey.
The big-breasted bird was the talk of the family.
When we visited her the Sunday before Thanksgiving, we went downstairs to the basement freezer to admire the prize. The burly top-heavy bird nested amid bags of the frozen peas.
“Look at the size of that breast,” Grandma said. She never used that b-word except to describe fowl anatomy.
Butterballs boasted more white meat than any other turkey, according to the ads, and we didn’t know about animal rights back then.
At three o’clock that glorious Thanksgiving, Grandma triumphantly pulled her roasted Butterball turkey out of the oven: a busty golden brown bird.
While the turkey cooled, she put the finishing touches on the rest of the holiday feast: giblet gravy, stuffing, cranberry relish, lima beans in cheese sauce, and Parker House rolls. A stick of real butter was enshrined in a cut-glass dish. Mom brought the screw-top bottle of Mogen David wine out of the fridge and poured everyone a thimbleful.
The table sparkled with the best crystal and dishes, seen only on holidays. Even the kids’ card table got a real tablecloth.
Grandpa started carving. First the legs were set aside on the platter. Next he sliced into the golden breast meat. “Oops, I dropped a piece,” he said, and placed a thick slice on the Formica-topped kitchen table. As the oldest, I grabbed it. (Hey, rank has its privileges, even among kids.) Yum. This was the tenderest white meat I’d ever eaten, a sweet promise of the adult privileges waiting for me.
“Me, Grandpa!”“Me!” my brothers and cousins cried as Grandpa gleefully dropped slice after succulent slice of white meat and we kids scrambled for them like hungry pigeons.
He was still giggling and giving us white meat when Grandma said, “Papa, how’s the turkey coming?”
Suddenly we noticed the turkey breast was as bony as a fashion model’s carcass. All the white meat was gone, except for a few scraps.
Guilty, greasy-fingered grand kids slipped away.
Now I can eat all the white meat I want, but it never tastes quite as good.
So what lesson does this teach about writing?
(A) Be on the look out when something special lands front of you – and use it.
(B) Nothing. Have a happy Thanksgiving with delicious memories.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
By Joe Moore
Today’s first-page critique is from a story called HAIR TRIGGER. My comments follow.
They were going to cut my hand off.
When I came to, I was tied to a chair. It was dark in the print shop and, like a character in a 1940s film noir, I could see the distorted silhouettes of a tall man and short man standing in the shadows. I was dizzy and felt sick from the blow to my head. The two figures swam in and out of focus.
Leaning over as far as I could, I barfed on the floor at their feet.
“Feeling better?” the short one asked in a strained high-pitched voice that reminded me of Peter Lorre.
“Please don’t say ‘fuck you’,” the tall one added.
I didn’t. I just vomited again.
After I finished whooshing whatever cookies were left inside me, I noticed my right hand was trapped under the clamping rail of a paper trimmer. This type of machine is commonly called a guillotine and has a razor sharp blade with thousands of pounds of pressure behind it. It can make very neat cuts through thick reams of paper.
The short guy stood next to it but I still couldn’t see him clearly.
“It says here this thing can trim up to a thousand sheets of paper at a time,” he read off the metal tag on the side of the machine. “Apparently, the operator must have a hand on each of the side switches for safety.” He looked straight at me. “Gee, I’d like to see how it works. Wouldn’t you?”
The big guy walked to the wall and pulled down the breaker handle on the electrical panel.
Machines around the shop started to power up. I could feel the vibration of the cutter humming through the metal surface under my hand.
The trimming blade gleamed wickedly.
“Now this is the part of the James Bond movie where I ask you to tell me what I need to know. If I don’t get an answer I like, you’re going to have to learn to jack off southpaw.”
I have very few phobias. One, however, is my fear of dismemberment. I get queasy just thinking about it, let alone imagining what my life would be like without a vital appendage such as my gun hand. In feudal Japan it was considered a sign of dishonor if a samurai lost a limb in battle. It showed everyone that he had failed in his duty as a warrior.
I liked this submission, and would keep reading. It starts, just as we so often suggest here at TKZ, with a life-changing event. The protagonist is in trouble and the author presents the reader with a big question: how is he going to get out of losing his hand? The bigger question, at least so far: what did he do to get into this situation?
The voice is not quite solid but it does take on enough character to intrigue. The scene is cliché – two bad guys, one tall, one short, but it does have forward motion and kept my interest.
A bit of line editing and cleanup would help, but it reads like a decent first draft. Nothing wrong with that.
I’m not sure who said the line starting with, “Now is the part of the James Bond . . .” That need clarification.
I would suggest not using the word “very”. It is meaningless. What’s the difference between few phobias and very few phobias?
There were a couple of places where the story slowed down while the writer explained how an industrial paper cutter works and what it means to lose a hand in feudal Japan hand. I would suggest avoiding those type of speed bumps at this stage of the story.
Lastly, even if it’s appropriate to the story, I recommend not dropping the f-bomb on the first page, or anywhere in the story for that matter.
Overall, not bad. I want to know what happens next. Thanks to the brave writer for submitting.
Now, Zoners, what do you think. Would you keep reading or does this guy losing his hand not grab you by the throat? Hold up your hands.
“THE BLADE is an absolute thrill ride." -- Lisa Gardner
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Readers, not so much.
I'm reminded of this memory gap frequently in my critique group. I'll be reading a scene from chapter eight of someone's draft, and suddenly a minor-sounding character pops up from out of nowhere to contribute a bit of dialogue. There's no description that reminds me who this character is, or where he came from. There's just a bit of dialogue, and a name. I have no clue who this character is.
Oh, I introduced that character four chapters ago, the writer says, a tad defensively, in response to my sheepish request for a reminder. How could I have forgotten?
I've forgotten your character, I want to scream at the writer during these moments, because A) You failed to introduce the character originally in a memorable way, and B) You didn't re-establish him later in an effective manner.
A Universal Truth of Writing: It's Never the Reader's Fault!
It doesn't work to ignore a character for several chapters, or even one scene, and then sling him back upon the unsuspecting reader without proper re-introduction. To a reader, this type of assault feels a bit like a zombie attack from outer space. Readers need to be reminded about what your character's been doing the entire time you've been focusing attention elsewhere.
Within a scene, the re-introduction of a character who's been missing in action can be done with a single sentence. For example, let's say you have a scene with three characters, and two of them have been having a heated argument. Now let's say you need to re-introduce Character #3, who hasn't said anything so far in the scene. This is one way you might do it:
Bertram, who'd been listening to us from his unsteady perch on the broken stool, cut in to deliver a verdict. "You're both wrong," he said.
If your character's been missing in action for entire chapters, you'll need to do a bit more work to re-introduce him. One thing you could do would be to show other characters reacting to your MIA's re-arrival in the scene.
Best Practice Suggestions:
Don't lose your reader by ambushing him with improperly introduced details or characters from previous sections.
Do re-establish characters from earlier sections with gentle reminders that help readers stay oriented in the story flow.
How do you re-introduce MIA characters in your work? Have you ever had to go back a few pages to remind yourself who a character is?
Monday, November 25, 2013
We do an ongoing series of first-page critiques here at TKZ and all too often the same set of issues come up when analysing these draft first pages. I thought today's post could provide a summary of some of the key elements needed to provide a really effective opening to your novel. Most of these elements apply not just to the first page per se but to those all important first few chapters which (lets face it) are the critical ones in terms of enticing and keeping reader's interest.
On my list, the following are crucial to providing an effective opening:
- An initial 'disruptive' event that changes everything for the main protagonist: This event doesn't need to be on the scale of a nuclear accident but it does need to profoundly affect the path the main character must take. It helps set up the plot, motivation and tension for the first chapters of the book.
- Act/show first explain later: Often there's way too much explanation and back story in the first few pages, which often serves to diminish tension and momentum. It's better to show/have the protagonist act first and then wait to provide the reader with explanation. The only caution I would add is to beware of introducing actions that make no sense or which are completely unexplained to the reader which leads to…
- Ground the book: It's important to make sure the reader has a solid grounding in terms of the 'world' you have created. This means a solid foundation of time, place, character and voice. The reader shouldn't have to work too hard to figure out what's happening in the first few pages. An intrigued but well-grounded reader wants to read on, a disorientated reader may just put the book down.
- Establish a strong, appropriate POV and 'voice' for the genre of book you are writing: Occasionally in our first page critiques we've found it hard to reconcile the 'voice' with the subject matter or tone of the book. Sometimes a POV 'voice' might sound like 'YA' but the book doesn't appears to be a young adult book. This is especially tricky when using a first person POV - as the 'voice' is the only point of reference for the reader.
- Edit, spell check and edit again: We've seen some first pages that still contain many grammatical and spelling mistakes. Those first few pages have to be as perfect as possible so make sure all errors are corrected.
I usually spend a considerable chunk of time getting the first line, page and chapters more or less right before I move on with drafting the rest of the book. To me the first few chapters provide the all important 'voice' and guidepost to the world I've created. But it's important also not get too bogged down in perfecting the first line/page/chapter. I've seen too many people write, re-write and re-write the first three chapters only to never move on and actually finish that all important first draft of the novel.
So how do you strike the balance?
What makes an effective opening for you and what items would you add to my list?
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Friday, November 22, 2013
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
I’ve been doing speaking engagements for many years now. It’s a way of giving back to the community and meeting new readers. But after this last one, I’m wondering if they are a waste of time in the digital age. I gave up three hours to speak to this group, had my hair done, painted my nails, and chose my wardrobe with care. Fortunately, it was local, so I didn’t have to travel far.
Sixty women attended this book and author luncheon, so you’d think they would all be readers, yes? The tables were beautifully decorated, with homage given to my latest title, Shear Murder. In this story, Marla the hairstylist discovers a dead body under the cake table at her friend’s wedding. Witness the cake motif on the centerpieces.
It was a lovely event. People were friendly and welcoming. But when I finished my speech, and after the raffle ticket numbers were called—an event as long as my talk—people left. Oh, a few came over and complimented me before asking if my books were available on Kindle.
Now, I wouldn’t mind if they went home and some of them ordered my titles. Most ladies took the brochures that I designed and had printed in two-sided color, but I did not sell a single book. Had they spent their money on raffles and ran out of cash or didn’t want to spend anymore? Was that it? Or do readers expect books on the cheap now and a signed copy means nothing?
I’m all for going out and meeting the public to increase readership, but consider the value of my time. I lost three hours of work and more, if you count the prep time. This is why I started charging a speaker’s fee if I go out of town for a talk. But even locally, is it worth the time and effort? Should I cease ordering my books to sell at these events? Already I have cases full of books stocked in the house. How will I get rid of them, other than donations? And even that means paying postage and a trip to the post office. It’s easier to do a giveaway with a digital copy.
If you are a multi-published author, and not a newbie looking to build a readership, do you still seek out speaking opportunities in the community? Would you go if—as one woman suggested to me—you’re invited to talk at her gardening club across town? Or will you suddenly have deadlines that prevent you from accepting?
I love speaking at libraries, but groups looking for a free speaker? Not so sure anymore. I know it’s not so much about the book sales as it is about meeting new readers, so I guess it’ll depend upon the circumstances. Or I might, in lieu of an honorarium, request a minimum book purchase agreement. Your comments?
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
By P.J. Parrish
This isn't going to be news to most of you who are regular readers of The Kill Zone but it's good advice for anyone who is trying to get published. Heck, it's good advice if you are trying to STAY published. And we all need to be reminded of it once in a while. Here it is:
You have to be tough.
How tough? You have to have the hide of a
The tenacity of a
And the drive of a
But even with all those qualities, you are going to get rejected. It happens to all of us. And it never stops. Even after you sign your first contract, you will deal with it. Your editor will make you rewrite. The marketing department will veto your title. (Heck, one of ours got nixed by the buyer at Walmart). Barnes & Noble will stock you but Costco won't. You won't get reviewed or worse, you'll get panned. You work like a dog to put your ebook on Amazon and you sell four books...three of them to your mom. And someday, you will be stalking some poor reader in the bookstore, see him pick up your book [YES! THEY LIKE ME, THEY REALLY LIKE ME!] and he will put it back on the shelf [NO! WHY DO YOU HATE MY BOOK?]
Rejection is a staple of the writer's life, so no matter where you are on your path, you might as well begin to come to grips with it. Even after you are published with a decent track record, you can still get dumped on.
Rejection begins, of course, with query letters. This is a painful thing, the query process, because the agents who are rejecting you are usually maddeningly oblique about why they are giving you the thumbs down. Here's some examples of coded rejections I have seen:
1. "This doesn't fit my needs at this time."
2. "Your writing is strong but I don't feel I can be enthusiastic enough to fully get behind this project."
3. "I'm afraid I will have to take a pass. But I am interested in seeing other projects..."
What they really mean:
1. You can't write.
2. I already have four authors who write zombie Lesbian detective series.
3. DaVinci Code rip-offs are yesterday's news. Have you considered paranormal YA?
I don't mean to make light of your woes if you are going through any phase of rejection now. But believe me, I have been there. My entry into this business took place during the Ice Age when it was possible to still submit to editors without having an agent. (ie the Slush Pile). But the rejections were still as awful. I used to have all of them -- kept them in an old manila envelope in a desk drawer. Then when we moved a couple years ago, I finally threw all the rejection letters away. Except for the first one I ever got, which I keep framed above my desk:
It is a classic. It doesn't reproduce well here, so let me point out some really nifty things about this particular rejection letter. First, it's a form letter. Second, there is no date. Third, there is no signature. But someone WAS kind enough to pencil in my last name and even take a moment to cross out "Sir." I think this rejection letter is circa 1980. But you'll notice the language has not changed since. The inserts are how I felt at the time:
Dear Ms. Montee,
We thank you for the opportunity [yeah, right!] to consider your proposal or manuscript. [what, they can't figure out WHICH?]. We are sorry [I'll bet!] to inform you that the book does not seem a likely prospect [how elegant!] for the Dell Book list. Because we receive many individual submissions every day [you think I care how overworked you are?] it is impossible for us to offer individual comment [I'd say so since there is no human being attached to this letter to begin with!] We thank you for thinking of Dell [insert sound of raspberry here] and we wish you the best of success [ie don't darken our doorstep again with your crap] in placing your book with another publisher. [you'll be sorry some day!]
Sincerely, [you're kidding, right?]
The Editors [aka the evil Manhattan cabal trying to keep me unpublished]
So why did I keep this one? Well, with the passage of more than two decades I have gained a certain perspective about it. The manuscript I sent to Dell was really really bad. It had no business going out in the world in the state it was in. I know, because I kept it. Like this rejection letter, I kept it to remind me that this is a learning process. It still is. It always will be.
So if you are feeling blue today about rejection, just know this one thing: You are not alone. Pearl Buck’s novel “The Good Earth” was rejected on the grounds that Americans were “not interested in anything on China.” A editor passed on George Orwell’s “Animal Farm,” explaining it was “impossible to sell animal stories in the U.S.A.” And let's not forget the agent who dumped Tony Hillerman and told him to "get rid of all that Indian stuff."
Keep plugging away at your craft. Grow a tough hide, be brave, don't give up, don't be too timid to send your book out there for scrutiny. You can't hit a home run -- or even a blooper single -- if you never step up to the plate. And even if you are in the batter's box, don't keep backing out because you're afraid of getting beaned. Derek Jeter's been hit by a pitch 184 times in his career. You think he's afraid of a little chin music?
And lastly, have a little faith. Shoot, have a lot of faith:
Because it only takes one "yes" to make all the no's bearable.
Monday, November 18, 2013
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[A quick note: I've been organizing TKZ's great blog posts by category, and the first six topics are already up, halfway down the sidebar, under the slide show of books. Click on the topics to go to a list of blog posts on those subjects. And watch for more categories to be added to the list in the future.]
Imagine you’ve just met someone for the first time, and after saying hello, they corral you and go into a long monologue about their childhood, upbringing, education, careers, relationships, plans, etc. You keep nodding as you glance around furtively, trying to figure out how to extricate yourself from this self-centered boor. You don’t even know this person, so why would you care about all these details at this point?
Or have you ever had a friend go into great long detail about someone you don’t know, whom they recently ran into? Unless it’s a really fascinating story with a point, I zone out. Who cares? Give me a good reason to care, and feed me any relevant details in interesting tidbits, please!
In my editing of novels, I’ll often see a new character come on scene, then the author feels they need to stop the action to introduce that person to the readers. So they write paragraphs or even pages of background on the character, in one long expository lump. New writers often don’t realize they’ve just brought the story to a skidding halt to explain things the readers don’t necessarily need to know, certainly not to that detail, at that point. And it’s telling, not showing, which doesn’t engage readers. In fact, they’ll probably skim through it, and more likely, find something else to do instead.
Another related technique I find less than compelling is starting with the character on the way to something eventful, and as they’re traveling, they’re recollecting past or recent events in lengthy detail. It’s much more engaging to start with the protagonist interacting with others, with some tension and attitude involved. Then work in any necessary backstory info bit by bit as the story progresses, through dialogue, brief recollections or references, hints and innuendo, or short flashbacks in real time. And through reactions and observations by other characters.
Rein in Those Backstory Dumps!
Contrary to what a lot of aspiring authors seem to think, readers really don’t need a lot of detailed info right away on characters, even your protagonist. Instead, it’s best to introduce the character little by little, in a natural, organic way, as you would meet new people in real life. You might form an immediate physical impression, especially if you find them attractive or repugnant. You notice whether they’re tall or short, well-groomed or scruffy, timid or overbearing, friendly or cold, intelligent or dull, charismatic or shy.
If you’re interested in them, if you find them intriguing, you pay attention to them, ask them questions, and maybe ask others about them. You gather info on them gradually, forming and revising impressions as you go along, with lots of unanswered questions. Maybe you hear gossip, and wonder how much of it is actually true. Through conversation and observation, you formulate impressions of them based on what they (or others) say, as well as their attitude, personality, gestures, expressions, body language, tone of voice, and actions.
Involve and engage the readers.
It’s also important to remember that readers like to be involved as active participants, not as passive receptors of dumps of information. Finding out about someone bit by bit, trying to figure out who they are and what makes them tick, what secrets they’re hiding, is a stimulating, fun challenge and adds to the intrigue.
Unlike nonfiction, where readers read for information, in fiction, readers want to be immersed in your story world, almost as if they’re a character there themselves. So be sure to entice readers to get actively engaged in trying to figure out the characters, their motivations and relationships, and whether they’re to be trusted or not.
Let the readers get to know your characters gradually, just like they would in real-life.
For ideas on how to approach introducing your characters to the reader in your fiction, think about a gathering where you’re just observing for a while, trying to get your bearings, maybe waiting for some friends to arrive. You look around at who’s there, listening in to snippets of conversation. A few people interest you so you move closer to them, trying not to be obvious. You might pick up on glances, smiles, frowns, rolling of eyes, and other facial expressions. You read their body language and that of others interacting with them.
Perhaps you decide to strike up a conversation with one or two who look interesting. You find out about their personality and attitudes through their words, tone of voice, inflection, facial expressions, body language, and the topics they jump on and others they avoid. Then, if they interest you, you might start asking them or others about their job or personal situation and get filled in on a few details – colored of course by the attitudes and biases of the speaker. Maybe you hear a bit of gossip here and there.
That’s the best way to introduce your characters in your fiction, too. Not as the author intruding to present us with a pile of character history (backstory) in a lump, but as the characters interacting with each other, with questions and answers, allusions to past issues and secrets. Even having your character thinking about what they’ve been through, isn’t that compelling, so keep it to small chunks at a time, and be sure to have some emotions involved with the reminiscing - regret, worry, guilt, etc.
So rather than stopping to give us the low-down on each character as he comes on the scene, just start with him interacting, and let tidbits of info about him come out little by little, like in real life. Let the readers be active participants, drawing their own conclusions, based on how the characters are acting and interacting.
And don’t forget, the most interesting characters have secrets, and readers love juicy gossip and intrigue! Just drop little hints here and there – don’t spill too much at any one time. Give us an intriguing character in action, then reveal him little by little, layer by layer, just like in real life!
Readers and authors, do you have any observations or advice to offer on dealing with character backstory in fiction?
Besides publishing numerous blog posts, her popular Editor’s Guides to Writing Compelling Fiction, the award-winning Fire up Your Fiction and Writing a Killer Thriller and her handy, clickable e-resources, Quick Clicks: Word Usage and Quick Clicks: Spelling List, Jodie Renner is a freelance fiction editor. Find Jodie on Facebook and Twitter, and sign up for her occasional newsletter here. Author website: JodieRenner.com.