Thursday, December 6, 2012

White Elephant Christmas Gifts for Crime Fiction Buffs

By Jordan Dane
@JordanDane

This post doesn’t have anything to do with writing or books, but I could seriously use your help, TKZ. You are all so creative and imaginative. My family is starting a new Christmas tradition. We’re doing a white elephant gift exchange. I know the best stuff is the tacky re-gifts that you may already have around your house. There is this horrid wooden Man of La Mancha statue that we got from someone when we were first married. (A nameless but not forgotten someone.) That eye sore has made it through countless moves and the wooden lance Don Q came with has broken and left him defenseless against his windmills. But since we can’t find him now, I need other ideas.
 
Here are a few ideas that I’ve seen that might appeal to crime fiction readers and writers:
 

Anything Dexter





Finger Soaps
 
 


A Thumb Drive
 



When this bath mat gets wet, it bleeds. A must have.


Armed and Loaded




A murderous knife holder for your kitchen
 
This is the coolest mug ever!



This has nothing to do with crime fiction, except that it might inspire murderous thoughts. Here’s what’s at the top of my list, except that it’s an import from Germany and I can’t wait for the shipping:


Is there a best? Really?

 
I’ve heard other suggestions to spice up the gift exchange. Some people have recommended parlor games to play or they suggest conducting a contest for the ugliest Christmas sweater. Here is a top contender for ugly sweater, etc.

This guy is really committed--or he should be.

Do you have any other ideas on fun things to do, along with the White Elephant ticky-tacky gift exchange? Please help me out, TKZ.

22 comments:

  1. LOL! I don't feel creative at all when looking at some of this stuff. *-)

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    1. Those finger soaps would look really creepy after they got wet and started to shrivel down, like bloated white meat. Sooooo gross.

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  2. My husband bought me this book for my birthday last month. :) He's a veteran investigator, so I guess he got tired of answering all my questions.

    For The Crime Fiction Writer

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    1. Ah, very cool. I could use a new investigator resource for my library. Thanks, Diane. Happy holidays.

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  3. We do a white elephant giveaway every year! It's really hilarious. Everyone fights over the stack of gift-wrapped Snickers bars. There were these awful glass gnomes who got traded around every year, too. There's always odd things, like scented candles or a pair of socks. I think the rule was that the first had to be under $10 or something, so people brought some really odd stuff.

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    1. I really wanted to buy that Best of Hasselhoff CD, but it's imported and takes up to 2 wks to ship. But that would've been priceless and probably come back to me next year.

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  4. Obama Chia Pet. No matter where you fall on the political spectrum it's butt-ugly.

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  5. I must have that bath mat. And the gun mug. And the Hasselhoff...no, wait...getting carried away. Will go Google the mat right now.

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    1. I thought the poison mug was hilarious and more than a little sick. That blood splatter bath mat is priceless.

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    2. Even better if it was labeled "PROPERTY OF THE BATES MOTEL"

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    3. Ha! Definitely. You are wicked good, RG.

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  6. Okay, the thumb drive, complete with chewed nail, freaked me out a bit. I love the poisoned mug and the bathmat.

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  7. Severed thumb drive. Classic, Terri.

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  8. The gun mug is fantastic! Thanks for sharing those.

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  9. By the end of your list I was cracking up and annoying my husband. Our family had a naked woman statue that we left at someone's house every year. That person had to keep it until the next year when they left it in someone else's yard. It was always fun trying to figure out where it would end up. I think it got stolen eventually. Also, my mom and aunt would send each other pink flamingos for birthdays and Christmas. It could be anything, soap, towels, pool floats, even a cookie jar. My mom won. When my mom died of cancer last year my aunt sent a pink flamingo flower arrangement. At the luncheon afterward, my mom's friend gave my aunt a gift to open from my mom. It was a flamingo bathrobe! It sounds morbid, but it was hilarious. Have a lot of fun with your white elephant!

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  10. Omg, what a touching story. Love the flamingos idea. A loving send off, Julien.

    My husband and I prank each other with a mini-Heath Ledger Joker Doll. The Joker often shows up in my luggage on trips or in my husband's shoes when he's slipping them on. Sounds like your family.

    Thanks for your comment.

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  11. I remember seeing a set of pillows or pillow cases that had blood pools - so when someone was laying on them they looked like they were bleeding out. They were awesomely gross!

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    1. Absolutely horrid! (I wonder what the thread count is on those.) Thanks for the chuckle. You've given me an idea for our guest room.

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  12. I love this! Particularly the soap, coffee mug, and bath mat!!!!

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  13. Julian, that is the best story ever. Like something my late brother would have done. It reminds me of a line from my favorite sad song: "It's not what you take when you leave this world behind you. It's what you leave behind you when you go."

    Your mom, with her witty and wicked gesture turned sad into happy and made one last fabulous memory.

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