By Joe Moore
What’s wrong with said? Why is it that some writers, particularly new ones, feel that “said” is so boring they are compelled to find new ways to tag dialog? I think that said may be the best word ever invented. What other word can be used in any story with no adverse effects on the plot or characters? What other word is as transparent, invisible and nondestructive as said?
So if all that’s true, why do so many authors need to look elsewhere for a better word? It’s like a man married to the most beautiful woman in the world but decides to stray and cheat. Said is already the best choice; why go looking anywhere else? And in my opinion, straying from said too often will make the writing look amateurish.
So when an unfaithful author strays from a perfectly happy relationship with said, where do they go? They go to: exclaimed, murmured, screamed, whispered, pleaded, shrieked, demanded, ordered, cried, shouted, and my all-time favorite, muttered. If the dialog is so weak that the writer has to re-explain what emotions or motivations are being conveyed, there may be more serious problems lurking.
“Stop or I’ll shoot!” the officer commanded. Really? Does anyone doubt that “Stop or I’ll shoot” is not a command? Is it necessary for the author to assume that the reader is that dumb? In this case, no dialog tag is even needed. The officer raised his Glock. “Stop or I’ll shoot.”
Then there are the extreme dialog tags, the ones in which humans speak like animals. Here’s a fact: snakes don’t talk nor do dogs or lions or bears. And human speech should not be tagged with the sounds animals make.
“I’m going to kill you,” he hissed. No he didn’t. First, it’s physically impossible. Second, it’s melodramatic which is a sign of weak, lazy writing. And it makes the character look silly. In a serious, dramatic moment, it will stop the reader cold and kick them right out of the story. If a writer wants to compare a character to a snake or dog, that’s fine. But humans don’t talk like snakes because snakes can’t talk. Don’t believe me? Try saying ANYTHING while hissing. Pretty stupid, right?
Then there’s the laughing and crying dialog tags. “I will defeat you,” he laughed. “I hate you,” she cried. No they didn’t. But here’s what could have happened: His laughter bellowed throughout the room. “I will defeat you.” Between sobs, she shook her clenched fist at him. “I hate you.” Wow, suddenly they don’t sound like carnival freaks.
Finally, there are the dreaded adverb tags. “I’ll get you if it’s the last thing I do,” he said angrily. “Thank you so much,” she said gratefully. If the character’s words are already filled with anger or gratitude, the writer doesn’t need to double-explain it. The reader gets it. Don’t insult their intelligence.
Remember, the power of your characters are in their words, not in how you tag them. If needed, said will do just fine. Or better yet, don’t use a dialog tag.
How about you guys, he asked inquisitively. Do you have any pampered or pet-peeve dialog tag issues?
BREAKING NEWS: My new thriller, THE PHOENIX APOSTLES, co-written with Lynn Sholes, will be released June 2011. It answers the question: Why is someone stealing the burial remains of the most infamous mass murderers in history. Stay tuned.
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19 comments:
Said... what a great article. I always wondered about that myself when people would say, "well, that's not really original, don't you think you use said too much?" I always felt defensive like I was missing something or maybe wasn't smart enough, but said was enough. Thanks for the reminder and I already think you hit several of the items that drive me nuts.
I’ll admit to straying from said, occasionally. Recently, I made the decision to use whispered instead of said in a paragraph because I four people in a room with three of them talking at conversation volume and one who was afraid to let anyone except one of the other three know what he said. Had I used said, it would look like all three could hear and not just the protagonist.
I would also like to point out that when an author says a character cried something he’s actually saying that the character shouted the words. It makes me think of war. “Remember the Alamo!” they cried. Is it needed? Perhaps not. We could rewrite it, but at some point it comes down to style choices. Said is the best word to use most of the time, but sometimes it just isn’t the right word.
Right on, Joe. "Said" and "asked" do their work and get out of the way. If it's unclear how something is being said, tempting the author to an adverb, I always advise tweaking the context, action and/or the dialogue itself so it IS clear. I'm not an absolutist on that, but I do carry a riding crop.
Congrats on the book!
Chaco Kid, I agree. I hate to be kicked out of a story because of something the writer could have done better if he or she would have taken a few seconds of extra effort. The best way to avoid using said too much is to find other ways of handling dialog besides tags. Especially if there are only two characters in a scene. Tags can be virtually eliminated.
Timothy, straying is OK from time to time. I do it myself. But in general it drives me crazy, especially when I catch myself doing it.
Jim, I’m not an absolutist on this either as long as everyone does it my way. :-)
Cue the controversy.
Joe, I SO disagree with every point except the one about adverbs. I say all things in moderation.
On character in my novels growls a lot, because in my head, that's exactly what he does. He's a big guy, who tolerates zero bullshit. When I write, "Boxers growled, 'I hate this.'" I mean that he's really growling. How else would you describe that deep rumbling noise that comes out of someone's throat.
Consider this: He hissed, "Sit." To my ear, he just said, "Ssssssit" but to write it that way would be distracting. I think "hissed" adds a level of menace to an s-word. The trick is to make sure that the hiss matches the dialogue. "'Ow,' he hissed" wouldn't work, but I think "'Shit,' he hissed" probably would because of the implied shhhhh. In that circumstance, though, I would put the dialogue tag ahead of the line in order to prepare the reader.
He said, he yelled and he shrieked all have different connotations to me, and each shades a line of dialogue in their own unique way. In a firefight, for example, "'Get down!' he said" would to me get lost in the din. "'Get down!' he yelled" has a commanding tone, while "'Get down!' he shrieked" introduces an element of panic.
In an artform that is devoid of rules, I think it's all about making the best choices.
John Gilstrap
www.johngilstrap.com
I love said. Said is invisible. (I once consciously went back over several Robert B. Parker pages where he tags just about every line of dialogue and realized I hadn't noticed the saids.)
"I'm sorry," he said apologetically.
When you veer from words like said (no problem with a few 'volume tags') then the reader stops to make sure the dialogue matches the explanation. Anything that slows the reader is not good. I get very distracted with excessive use of creative tags. Beats are a better (IMHO) solution if you can't bear 'said.'
However, some of the best writing craft books stress getting over the fear of using said.
Thanks for weighing in, John. Thank goodness there's enough styles and variety out there to please everyone.
Good points, Terry. The effort should be in the dialog, actions and reactions of the characters. I think it's best that the author stay out of it whenever possible.
I believe said is the appropriate choice most of the time. (Or even better a dialogue beat instead of a tag.) But such sweeping prohibitions are a little much. It's a stylistic choice. Confining dialogue tags to said and asked is actually a relatively new convention. People have been hissing in books for centuries, and contrary to your assertion, people can hiss a statement as long as there are 's' sounds in it.
Why are strong verbs advocated in every other situation but this one?
Lisa, thanks for the comments. These are really my sweeping prohibitions, and you can probably tell from the tone of my post that dialog tags are one of my pet peeves. Every so often I come across a book that is filled with them and have to vent. Today was venting day. I would have hissed my entire post, but you know how I feel about that. :-)
I'm a big believer in sticking with "said," with the sole exception being for a specific effect.
To me, the grestest sentence in the English language was written by James Thurber.
"Shut up," he explained.
"Dana, I agree," Joe said agreeably. Adverb dialog tags are from the department of redundancy department.
After all this time I am finally starting to understand the whole "show, don't tell" thingymachiggee.
I think that's the key. If you can show the image of growling a comment, or screaming a phrase, or crying out, do it. If on the other hand you cannot show it to the reader's minds eye in the description, use the word that does the job.
"So many different styles." Joe said
"Something for everyone" Lisa declared.
"Darn right" growled John.
"Don't fall for those adverbs lest ye be made to look desperate!" Jim said thoughtfully as he swished his riding crop about in wild gesticulations.
"But" said Tim, then changing his tone queried, "what if...?"
Clare stepped in and said "Owyergoinmate? Izetachicken?"
"Miller!!" Michelle and Kathryn cried in unison.
"Damn bird!" grumbled Miller. "Where's my shotgun?"
"Don't use a shotgun!" implored Basil hungrily "there won't be enough left to eat."
"Shut up" explained Dana. "This ain't about chicken."
and so starts my new WIP titled, "He Said, She Cried... a study in somethingernuther smart sounding"
Let's not forget the title of Linda Obst's memoir as a Hollywood screenwriter: Hello, He Lied.
“I have to laugh about this,” he chuckle with hilarity.
I must admit I’m not 100% against using some descriptive tags. For example, the scene I’m currently working on uses “yelled” and “shouted” (sparingly mind you) to emphasize there’s a lot of noise around the characters. This isn’t the norm, but it is one case where I think it’s appropriate.
Frankly, I can’t stand dialogue that’s over tagged. I can follow a conversation just fine if you remind me who’s talking once in awhile. Every 4 or 5 lines, drop an indicator. Use a tag if you need something quick for pacing. Fill the passage with activity and loose the tags otherwise, if you must do anything at all. “Said” becomes obtrusive to me when it’s overused on every single line. For me, it’s not completely invisible and will pull me out of the story if I see it all the time.
And, I agree with John that hiss is acceptable once in awhile - but for the love of Mike – make sure there’s an ‘s’ SOMEWHERE in the sentence!
“This is a fun and controversial subject,” he pondered meditatively.
Basil, is that flash fiction?
John, boy, that couldn’t be more Hollywood.
Richard, thanks for dropping by. You’re right, even said can be overdone. At the same time, I hate stopping to go back a few paragraphs to figure out who said what. But I’m still not buying that snake sssssshit.
Skinny Dip by Carl Hiassen shows just how many tags you can leave out and still have an easy-to-read book.
john--great point that if "said" isn't right, the solution isn't necessarily changing the tag, but fixing context.
Just like in screenplays, you may only need to use a verb other than "said" (or a wrylie in a script) when the character's utterance is subject to misinterpretation, for example sarcastic. Or perhaps in early pages, when setting character.
Here's one by Hiassen:
"I'm gonna rent a Jet Ski," Chaz had cheerily decreed.
Turns out that the character of Chaz, cheerful, inept, bad-at-planning sociopath, is important to the plot.
So I'd add "only if crucial to plot and you can't do it any other way."
Here's another from the same book, meant to show that something's really off with Chaz:
"See all those clouds? It's about to rain," he'd proclaimed with a peculiar note of elation.
Most of these are in the first chapter, where characters (and Hiassen's humorous tone) are being established. These flights of tag fancy are missing from the rest of the book.
I agree with Terry that "said" is an invisible word. It provides a break for rhythm in the sentence, but without distracting the reader or drawing attention to itself.
"Sorry guys," Miller said. "I just got here," he apologized weakly.
"Rules? I don't got to play by no rooles," he drooled wetly.
A peaceful picnic in the French countryside explodes in violence. A mysterious assassin hisses a deadly threat.
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