Saturday, February 7, 2009

If it wasn’t for denial, just imagine how bad things would be.

John Ramsey Miller

I’ve been busy lately––really busy––and I let Saturday slip up on me. I woke up an hour ago, discovered it was Saturday morning and so I’m writing this before Gilstrap emails me to ask where my blog is. Not that I don’t take this blog seriously, because I take it as seriously as most bloggers possibly can. I know people read it, but I’m not convinced anybody really sits around all week waiting to see what I have to say about anything. Life has just flat been taking up all of my time. I'm sorry. So kill me.

The publishing news is all downbeat. All the news is downbeat or insane. They are finding out that depressed people read less, and flogging people with doomsday scenarios hourly doesn’t seem to be raising spirits at all. Imagine that.

The good news has become depressive. Normally a woman has eight babies at one time and it’s "Joy To The World" time, and people flood the parents with cash, give them a reality show, build new rooms on the house, neighbors volunteer to help change diapers, pay millions for pictures... Goo. Goo. Ga. Ga. Not any more. Yesterday there was the woman who had the octupletinos, or whatever you call eight babies (other than a litter). After a couple of days, the media turned on her like wolves. She’s got six kids already but she’s lonely so she wants as many children as she can shoot out. I'm thinking Queen ant here. She can somehow afford to have eggs implanted by some "irresponsible" clinic run by a mad scientist. Only six eggs, but two eggs made twins! The newscast says the medical bill could run one to three million dollars. I’m sure she’ll pay that bill if it takes three billion years. This single mother says she is not only going to raise fourteen children, but she’s going to take this opportunity to go back to college. In good times she’d be untouchable––a virtual saint and media darling. This story was, according to the media, a wolf in sheep's clothing.

What planet do they find these people on? Maybe she’ll run for congress. God knows she’d fit right in. And if she waits and gets all of her kids to vote for her, she’s a shoe in.

Michael Phelps smoking marijuana. So what?

The media (this was on Today) is already comparing President Obama with Jimmy Carter. Remember that administration?

North Korea has a new long-range missile to hang a nuke on.

Foreign fighters have lost in Iraq, so they are flooding into Afghanistan.

And the Russians want to get back into Afghanistan to help us.

Congress wants to run the financial end of our country like they've run the government.

I think I’ll quit watching the news. I mean what’s the point? It’s like watching a train wreck from inside the train.

Now is the time to write fiction.

The whole world is fictional.

I feel better now.

11 comments:

  1. Hey I hadn't heard that one about the Russians getting back into Afghanistan to help us. There's got to be a joke in there somewhere, "How many superpowers does it take to defeat the Taliban?" But what's the punch line?

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  2. No, they have offered with all seriousness. Think of it as a rematch. And they are letting us go through their territory to deliver supplies to our troops. I know, it's like Cats and Dogs lying down together in Ghostbusters before the great evil became the Creampuff thingie.

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  3. Funny, John! Instead of calculating ballistic missile throw-weights aimed at each other, we will collaborate on throwing shoes at the Taliban.

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  4. Although these shoes will have stingers.

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  5. Nice week in review, John. We'd be hard pressed to make this stuff up. And if we did, the editor would reject it as too much of a stretch.

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  6. Maybe it's just me, but the new president should worry if people are comparing him to Carter. Wasn't the mortgage interest rate back then, like 18 percent?

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  7. If I were Obama I'd worry about some things, but not being compared to Carter by some nitwit on the Today show. I loved his reponse during the campaign to this kind of stuff, "It's silly season."

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  8. Hey guys, we're talkin' politics today! I LOVE it!! Thanks, Miller!

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  9. Amen to all!
    And coming from a large family, (12 siblings)I agree with the evil scientist bit. Come on, six eggs at one time when the woman already had 6 kids, the oldest 7. I believe in large families, but come on. I'd sue the doctors and let them eat the billion dollar hospital bill.
    As for the rest, again, AMEN.
    Off to write more fiction. The world seems saner in books.

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  10. Yeah well, on the good side I just had a delicious locally brewed Baltic Porter.

    As the world collapses around us draft a pint of the best stout (or a glass of good wine or a tasty lime kool-aid) and chill.

    Just think of it all as writing material.

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  11. "As the world collapses around us draft a pint of the best stout (or a glass of good wine or a tasty lime kool-aid) and chill. "

    Just make sure it isn't that "Jim Jones flavor of Kool-Aid. :-)

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