Thursday, October 23, 2008

"Hello, Clarisse..."

As part of my "Bouchercon week," experience, a friend had arranged for me to tour the FBI Academy at Quantico. Maybe I'm alone in this, but ever since watching Jodie Foster run "The Yellow Brick Road" in Silence of the Lambs, I've been curious to see this training facility.

So I flew into DC a few days early. Spent the night in a hotel just outside the base that was apparently entirely populated by Marines in between tours of Iraq (and let me tell you how unnerving it is to step off an elevator into the lobby and have every eye in the room--and I do mean every one-- swivel toward you, as if they're waiting for someone to show up with an IED). I kept my hands in sight the entire time since they seemed extremely twitchy.)

Apparently deer can get used to pretty much anything...there was a shooting exercise going on less than 100 feet away and it was LOUD

Unfortunately according to my GPS the Academy didn't exist, so thanks to directions scrawled on a napkin by th
e concierge I stumbled in the back gate of the complex. Two checkpoints, each with armed guards. I had one of those moments where I act like I'm doing something wrong even though I'm not (a terrible habit I developed somewhere) and got waved over both times for more intensive scrutiny. Forty-five minutes later I finally made it inside and was waiting in the lobby for the group I was latching on to, a contingent from the latest Sacramento "Citizen's Academy."

Habitrail City

The buildings themselves are fairly standard, that brown block style that was such a hit in the late sixties. There's a strange, Habitrail feel to them since they're all connected by windowed corridors. We wove through a few times, until I completely lost my sense of direction and couldn't find my way back if I tried (this might have been intentional).

Driver Training, or "Look Ma- no hands!"

Like so many tours, it featured sparks of excitement and fascinating tidbits, separated by long periods of powerpoint presentations and minutaie during which even I, devoted FBI fanatic, had to fight to stay awake. There's really only so much a person needs to know about J. Edgar Hoover.

But the tour of the Hostage Rescue Units training facility wa
s amazing. Set inside a huge quonset hut, the entire interior (save for a narrow corridor running along the inside) is a giant maze composed of black padded walls. Sadly, no photos were allowed to be taken there, which struck me as overly cautious since the maze is changed on a regular basis (every room is composed of slats hung from metal beams). Bullet marks pock the walls: live fire drills are conducted here, with instructors walking along the top of the maze monitoring the progress. Suspended above the maze is a nearly full-size mock-up of an airplane, complete with dummies (some of whom appear to have taken a few hits; I'm guessing those trainees failed the course).

Hogan's Alley

Another highlight (for me, at least) was Hogan's Alley, the faux town constructed in the center of the compound. We marched into the fake pool hall, checked out the real/fake deli, and explored a seedy motel. Good times. Plus we got to watch some of the students go through their driver training, performing high speed weaves through the cones on the driving course. And let me tell you, you haven't lived until you've shopped in the FBI gift store. Quantico onesies: who knew?

All in all, it was a thrill ride (with some boring bits). I considered a CIA Headquarters tour as well, but according to those who went it was mainly a tour of the CIA cafeteria (Eggplant espionage!)

Anyway, I made some new friends (see below) and go
t some excellent source material for the next book. Can't beat that.


  1. That is so cool! I toured FBI headquarters in DC once, but never the academy.

  2. Great look inside the Academy. I've been to Quantico several times for my job, never to the FBI side of the house.

    Be careful if you go back; never refer to Marines as soldiers; they're Marines. They take that very seriously, and have been known to express their displeasure in non-verbal forms of communication.

  3. That had to be cool. My FBI agent is from a local station, unlike Kelly Jones, so I don't know that it would help me as much. But that would still be chock full of awesome to get the tour.

    It's interesting you said the tour gave you new ideas about a book, because I broached the subject of where ideas for specific books come from on my blog today.


  4. Nifty! Makes me want to plan a trip to DC. :) If you get a chance the Police Academy in Chicago has a great tour too.


  5. Oops- I definitely don't want to tick off any Marines. Thanks, Dana!